Fate of the unknown

Recently, I’ve been getting my words mixed up. Instead of “Hello. How are you?” I’ll say/write “Hello. How you are?” Instead of “look” I’ll write “good”. I’ll explain a definition because I can’t think of the correct word.

Now I don’t overreact. I always look for the most likely solution. I never jump to worse case scenarios. I look at the facts and think logically about what something most likely is. I’m proud of this fact.

But with this particular symptom, there is no best case scenario. My choices are brain damage, stroke, or tumor. Add my 4 month migraine to the mix and it gets worse.

I’m going to the doctors on Thursday. They are going to run some tests and see what’s going on.

I’m telling everyone around me that I’m sure nothings wrong and I’m trying to stay optimistic, but inside, I’m terrified. I know something is wrong. I can just tell. Words have always come easy for me. I have a degree and a certificate in English. I write all of the time.

My mind is jumping all over the place and I refuse to look anything else up because I know at this point it won’t help.

Everyone I talk to says I’ll be fine, but they also aren’t acting normally around me. They are acting worried and walking on egg shells. The only time they relax is when I’m happy. I feel like I can’t be scared because then they’ll be scared.

If I tell them how I feel, I get yelled at, told not to worry, and say just to not think about it till we know what we are dealing with. All great in theory. Just wish they’d tell me how.

So I’m on here, venting, because it seems like the only place I can go.

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